Write it down

 

Via

Write it down and make it happen

It can be a serious challenge ensuring that life looks the way you'd paint it if you could. 

Do you know what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand? If you didn't have to work for the money? Some of the big answers can be found with exercises like this. 

I suggest getting a big piece of paper (you can make this as pretty as you want to - how about cutting out a heart shape?) and writing down all the things you want in your life. You can write full sentences in the present tense (far more tangible like this) or just words. 

 

Keep this somewhere you can see it daily. When you decide what you want in life and you  write your desires down, you plant the seeds for action. 

You might like this book.

Pampering is a priority

My bathroom, where all the pampering takes place...in my dreams.

Via

I want to be the woman in your (virtual) life to give you permission to stop and smell the roses. I know how guilty women can feel about being self indulgent and one of the things I try to do during a consultation is establish how much 'me time' my clients give themselves. It can be a shockingly low amount. Women are natural nurturers and encouraged to be selfless, but to be your best self for others, you need to be your own best friend first. 

If you can manage it, I suggest one morning/afternoon/evening in the week where you make a commitment to yourself to spend time on grooming and relaxing. Ensuring that your regular colour and trim appointments are in the diary, that you're filing the soles of your feet and massaging your cuticles regularly is the way to look and feel high maintenance. This is your appointment with the self. Not a spiritual appointment, you understand, more of a I'm-looking-the-best-I-possibly-can (read hot) appointment.

Via

This would be the basic checklist I'd suggest for your weekly pampering session: 

facial exfoliation

body exfoliation

body brushing (daily)

facial massage with oil (2/3 times a week)

face mask

filing nails (fingers and toes), tidying cuticles, generally buffing and painting

hair treatment (ideally 2+ times a week)

oil all over the body (wear old PJs) - use anything natural: olive, almond, coconut, sunflower.

eyebrow shaping

If you want your pamper sesh to be uber relaxing, wrap up warm as your face mask sets and read a good book (not a funny one, mind. Cracks on the visage are soooo annoying). Ensure you've got plenty of fluids to hand, candles are lit and your environment is organised and cosy.  
 

High maintenance looks are the result of attention to detail; the little things which make a big difference en masse. It's that New Yorker finesse that we're after here. It's true that Brit girls are great at rocking the smudgy eyeliner, back-combed hair and multiple  ear piercings, but working on the basics ensures that the look is pulled together.

Tomorrow we'll look at how to make space for all of the things you want in your life.

Displaying momentos

I discovered this today via Fuji Files. I absolutely heart this idea for a way to display cute images and quotes.

You create your feelings

 This is the house we visited for our one day retreat - set in the gorgeous rolling hills of Oxfordshire. 

I hope you had a fabulous and restful weekend? 

Over the last few days I went out for dinner with a lovely friend, spent an entire afternoon reading in bed with a bar of chocolate - and it wasn't even raw - don't tell anyone, OK? That was followed later on by homemade chips and egg-free garlic mayo - no, not a nutritional fix to brag about, but it tasted damn good. I cleared out my closet in preparation for winter and went on a one day retreat at the Global Retreat Centre, so all in all it was a pretty relaxed few days. 

I'm always advising other people to make changes to their lifestyle; to eliminate some of the stress that we accept as normal these days, so I feel I ought to practice exactly what I preach. The thing I know for sure is that working on the self is an ongoing job, just like maintaining a house to be proud of, or keeping up a personal grooming regime. There are no quick fixes, and when we do forget all about self nurturing; like when we're busy fighting fire with fire and allowing others to wind us up, the fact that we've neglected the self tends to come and bite us on the bum at the most inconvenient of times.

When we think about what we stay on top of in our lives, it's incredible - nurturing and feeding our families, cleaning and household maintenance, work, buffing, waxing, exercising, learning and so on - these jobs don't ever end and it's blooming hard work at times; dust gathers soon after a room's been cleaned and the following week you're there again, doing it all over - the rewards are only temporary.

In a similar way, so much cleansing, revitalising and buffing needs to be done regularly internally; ensuring that we nourish our bodies with good food and good thoughts (the odd duvet day with homemade chips is cool for our purposes). It's easy to reach stress levels without realising - suddenly everything a person says can be irritating, a negative comment can make us feel angry, or we're fixating too much on little issues. 

So my friend and I set off to the Global Retreat Centre for some quiet time, to re-examine our relationships with ourselves, and the bonus was a very yummy veggie curry - soooo good. But of course there are many ways to get in touch with our true selves: by meditation, some quiet time with nature, or by reading something meaningful and inspiring. 

If you would like to know more about the Brahma Kumaris and what they can offer, click here. They are a very generous organisation and offer many free courses, talks and retreat days. I don't agree with everything I hear from them - I think people are programmed to an extent by social conditioning, culture, political regimes, upbringing and even within the context of the language we use, which is of course a social construct, whereas, according to what I heard yesterday, they believe that people have complete free will and are always in control of their own actions. 

However, I'd like to share some of the ideas that were shared yesterday. These are the ones I'll be reflecting on...

* You are a peaceful soul.

* Your natural state is that of peace, light, love and happiness.

* Spirituality and life have become vastly segregated in our society. We tend to do our bit such as meditation and then carry on with the rest of our day without amalgamating the two - ideally we are peaceful and thoughtful all day long. 

* It is helpful to meditate on an idea: for example, I am a peaceful being, or I am happy and compassionate.

* With peace of mind, we can still work towards good in our lives; it doesn't mean we lose our motivation or ability to be proactive.

* I choose how I react. You choose how you react. No matter what is said or what happens, we choose our reaction. Event + reaction = outcome. You can't change the event, which is in the past, but you can change your reaction and ultimately, the outcome.

* We can control ourselves, but we can't control other people.

* We are more likely to influence others when we let go and don't stress about having everything our way.

* You are in control of how today goes; how tomorrow goes; your attitude will make a difference.

* If you look to others to fulfill you or provide your happiness, the minute they 'let you down', your plan goes to pot. Try being self-reliant rather than dependent on others for your emotional fixes. 

* Your relationship with yourself is pretty big commitment - you don't get to divorce or opt out as such (and when you're self-destructive, you'll know about it) - so why not make this the best relationship you have?

Friday Favourites

My fave blend du jour...Pukka Detox, image Via.

I heart herbal infusions because it's like drinking a little cup of love.

I'm always banging on about the benefits of herbal teas and there I go again. I think the most economical (and not to mention earth friendly) way to buy tea is loose from a proper little tea shop. You can use and re-use the paper bag. However, tea sachets, with all their naughty packaging, certainly have their practical uses. Many cafes won't sell just hot water (I've tried it with some of the big high street coffee chains), but if you can get your mitts on hot water, it's nice to dunk in a familiar herbal blend. Ditto when I'm in a hotel or travelling, I like to have a home from home brew. 

I'm a little bit cautious with blends from brands like Twinings, because the ingredients lists refer to mysterious natural flavouring, the sources of which are never revealed. Pukka, on the other hand, tell you exactly what's in the bag, which is, well, Pukka.

Enjoy your weekend, keep loving yourself, keep nurturing yourself, and remember to think happy thoughts about all the things you've done so well...you're writing this story, so it had better be a good one.

Just because...

Via

Just because I heart natural beauty. OK, OK, maybe technology had a little hand in this, but let's not get too hung up on detail.

Pre and post treatment tips

Via

Often when women are planning a hen night (or a batchelorette party for my lovely American readers), you will overhear all kinds of ambitious plans rolled into one - typically  something like 'we'll have some cocktails, then a massage and a facial, then a pole dancing tutorial, then we'll head out for dinner, cocktails and dancing.' I want to say no, no, no, (and if I feel I know them well enough I'll say no, no, no). 

Going to a spa for a dedicated rest and pamper sesh is absolutely perfect for the bride to be - in fact, from a sheer vanity perspective, any bride who is willing to compromise her skin by late nights and alcohol passing her lips within a fortnight prior to her wedding is a brave woman by my standards - in fact, make that 4-6 weeks if the bride in question is over 25. I recommend abstinence from alcohol and an exfoliating/brushing/hydrating/buffing regime like your life depends on it when preparing for upcoming nuptials. But I digress. 

The point of having a treatment of any kind is to experience a benefit. If you're going to quaff cocktails post-treatment, then in my opinion you've just wasted £60. 

Here are my tips for planning a treatment at any time in your life - bride to be or not...

* Plan a treatment for a day when you know that you won't have major responsibilities to deal with. After your treatment you should be able to relax - so picking up children/working/exercising should not be on the cards.

* Follow the aftercare advice your therapist gives you. Any responsible therapist will give you some tips to follow - the basics are: drink lots of water and herbal infusions. Stay away from cigarettes, caffeine and alcohol. Try to be somewhere calming. Switch off the TV. Sleep if you need to. Cry if you need to. Be kind to yourself. 

* Treatments affect us all differently. If you're holding on to negative emotions, having someone be kind to you with a caring consultation, a calming manner and a soothing treatment can be enough to set off emotions hidden just below the surface. Many people feel tearful, vulnerable and excessively dehydrated post-treatment. Just go home, play some classical music, make a cup of herbal tea and rest up with a blanket. 

* A 'healing crisis' is a description for feeling emotional, having a headache or feeling a bit weird or even ill post-treatment. Treatments affect the mind, body (and if you believe in such things, the soul), and when we stress our minds and bodies so much, balancing it all out can create a few ripples.

* It's normal to pee and poo more than usual post-treatment. Don't worry about it. Your body is cleansing itself as a reaction to the treatment.

* Plan ahead with what you might eat pre and post-treatment. This is a good time to eat nourishing, light meals - tucking into a take away post-treatment is far from ideal.

Plan your treatment carefully - it's an investment - going with a girlfriend for a massage sounds lovely, but it's not so great if she wants to chat over coffee afterwards when you'd rather be alone with your thoughts, so be wise about maximising your experience. You deserve this time - enjoy it.

Via

Namaste.

Toxic people

Via

I hesitate to write a post about toxic people, simply because it doesn't seem very holistic to describe anyone as toxic. However, people tell me how insecure they feel in particular friendships or relationships, and yet they seem to be oblivious to the fact that their good nature is being taken advantage of, or perhaps they give and give without receiving. 

It's probably easier to empathise with this situation if one has experienced it, and I most definitely have. Over the last five years or more I have moved away from unhealthy friendships and as a result, I made space for beautiful new relationships to flourish. 

There are some very good sayings, such as:

Be kind to unkind people - they need it the most 

Ashleigh Brilliant

 

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle 

Plato

 

Kindness is most certainly a virtue, as is giving without expecting anything in return. However, in human relationships there is most certainly an unwritten code of conduct which says something like: 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.' Now if someone's ill, depressed or heartbroken, they have carte blanche to cry on shoulders galore, but when a pattern within a relationship continues for years in an unhealthy way, it might be time to take stock.

 

 It's always important to follow your instincts - I would never presume to tell anyone what is best within their personal relationships as we are all so different. Dynamics can be complicated and difficult for anyone 'outside' to really comprehend, but I would suggest the following if you feel that you are in unhealthy relationships: 

* Invest in the people who bring love and light into your life. Focus on the good people who are there for it all; not just the glitz and the glamour, but the tears and tantrums too.

*  If you are left feeling depleted, depressed, insecure or nervous after spending time with someone, ask yourself why. It can be that perfectly nice people just don't work with our chemistry somehow.

* If you are spending time with someone who seems to highlight all your failings and all of their successes, even in a subtle way, ask yourself how you can protect yourself from this kind of negative comparisons game.

One of the most important lessons I've learned about human relationships is that they way one feels in and out of contact with the other person really matters. If you are left feeling hollow, neglected or as the victim of a control game, it's important to examine exactly where these feelings are coming from. Very often it's our own insecurities which are coming out to play, but a good friend or partner tends to bring the best out in us, not the worst.

In terms of how to deal with an unhealthy relationship, again, it's down to the individuals, but sometimes just taking a step or two back can do the trick. It gives you breathing space and the other person, if they're sensitive enough to others, might realise they're frightening you off a bit and modify their behaviour. 

Some psychologists would say that our feelings can tell us a lot about another person's motivations. Some people will decide whether they like someone or not instantaneously. It will be visual and non verbal signifiers that inform this decision as much as any words that are spoken. Some people, particularly reiki masters, will talk about energies from others. If, for example, you feel bad about yourself or even feel dirty after talking to someone, it may be that you are sensitive enough to pick up on competitive thoughts, disdain or sexual desire from another person. The resulting feelings can be quite unpleasant. 

I gradually removed toxic sources from my life and I'm really glad I did. It didn't happen overnight and some of the people I decided to distance myself from were wonderful with much to offer, but I had outgrown the relationships and the dynamics had become unhealthy for a myriad of reasons. As we mature we seek out friendships from those who are in tune with our wiser adult personalities - we perhaps look for qualities which will stand the test of time, rather than the exciting person who leaves us feeling unsure of ourselves or of where we stand in a relationship.

Having a beautiful relationship with the self opens space for beautiful people to come into your life. If you are looking after your own interests and being a friend to yourself, you will naturally gravitate towards healthy people and feel less inclined to invest in unhealthy or 'toxic' relationships. 

Have you experienced moving away from a toxic friendship? Do you have tips on how to do so? I'd love to hear about it.

Achieving that zen vibe

 Via

I've just received an email from a friend who told me that stress is making him feel practically ill. He asked for any tips that he could put into practice immediately.

As it happens, most of my stress-busting tips cross over with my beauty and sleeping tips, because there's no getting away from the fact that the way you live every moment impacts on every area of your existence - how you look, feel and behave.

So without splashing cash on a shrink, giving your home a reiki treatment or booking a spa date in Tahiti, here are my top tips for a achieving a zen-like state:

* Read my blog every day for a feel good vibe (kidding, but it does help to set aside 15 minutes a day to read inspiring material, either in books or online).

* Stop checking emails, Facebook, Twitter and texts all day long unless you absolutely have to for work purposes. You don't need that kind of outside affirmation when you have all you need internally. It's been scientifically proven that spending hours on social networking sites is tantamount to narcissism, so view it as a healthy way to stay in touch, not a life line.

* Create a clean and organised home environment. It's impossible to chill when you're surrounded by chaos. Ideally make it beautiful when you have the time. Beauty inspires.

* Get some meditation CDs or listen to a calming soundtrack. Use these when you need them - perhaps as you get home in the evenings. This could prevent stress-eating or finishing off a bottle of red on your own.

* If you're feeling vulnerable, try to totally avoid booze and convenience foods. This isn't the time to scoff baked potatoes and take-aways. You need energy-sustaining healthy foods and lots of veggies on your plate. Short cuts = false logic.

* Don't work on your computer or watch TV late at night. Turn off technology an hour at least before bed.

* Drink LOTS of water and try hot water with lemon to flush the system out, especially if you're sitting on your backside all day.

* Take a multi-vit as an insurance policy - but keep munching those veggies. 

* Invest in massage if possible - cheaper alternatives can be found at training colleges. 

* Remove toxic people from your life - if you're uncomfortable around certain people, consider what they bring into your life and whether you could stand to let them go.

* Write lists - a list for immediate tasks and a long term list which you can keep in a folder and update and tick off as appropriate.

*Create a list or collage of the things you want in your life and have it somewhere you can see it - this will remind you where your focus is - so for example: family, yoga, travel, Masters in rocket science, buns to make Madonna jealous etc.

* Exercise and stretch out - you know the drill - happy hormones will be a-rocking your body. 

* Buy some pretty looking herbal teas - the ritual of making and pouring tea is calming - studies have shown that we trust people more when they hand us a warm drink - we have positive psychological associations with hot drinks.

* Ensure you have healthy supplies at work - water to drink, lemon to add to hot water, fruit, nuts, veg crudites, a little humus in the fridge etc. Try keeping olive oil and balsamic vinegar in the workplace so that you can slosh them over your homemade salads for lunch.

* Insist that you have some time for you each day - alone time is really important. This is how we renew, deal with our thoughts and process our admin.

* If you know that you're stressed, don't promise the world to others and feel you have to deliver - it's OK to be selfish sometimes. That way, you can be your best self for others.

* Prioritise sleeping - it's never a good idea to be a cheat sleep when you most need it.

Do you have some stress-busting tips to share? Let me know what works for you.

I used to be a stress head - I would fill my diary up for months ahead and the moment someone had come to stay with me, I'd feel I ought to return the visit, so I'd be booking train tickets for weeks in advance. I'd plan treatment swaps on my days off and offer to visit elderly friends at the weekends. When the weekends arrived I'd often feel burned out and would dread all of the energetic things I'd planned when what I really needed was some time alone to relax and also to process all of the domestic chores and admin that had crept up.

Nowadays I don't plan so far in advance and when I can see that I have a hectic schedule coming up, I plan a down day for myself too. I find it easier to say 'no thank you' if I'm invited somewhere fun and I know that I need Iona time. I gave myself permission to put myself first and it feels a lot better. I've developed boundaries and discovered the power of 'no'. Women can find both a challenge, but once you get there it's totally liberating.

Love yourself daily

Via

Remember that you have the power to create a wonderful existence for yourself. Affirmations can help enormously. If you need some affirmation inspiration, click here for Louise Hay's daily updates. 

Try this one today: 

 New doors are opening all the time. Life is good!

Louise Hay 

Via

Text etiquette

 

 Via

In these times of instant gratification (and in my opinion, the general dumbing down within society), there is much confusion when it comes to technology and etiquette. When it comes to email invitations, text updates and online dating, what's a girl to do? 

If in doubt, I suggest heading over to Debretts for the update on how to be well behaved in the modern way. 

Here are some of the text tips you can find via Debretts:

• Text messages are ideal for conveying a short, instant message. Remember, some important information may need a more lengthy explanation.
• If you have to cancel an appointment, always make a phone call; apologies will be better received this way.
• Formal handwritten thank you letters should never be replaced by a text.
• Messages of condolence sent by text are the ultimate faux-pas.
• Avoid using confusing, abbreviated text language if the reciepient may not inderstand it. Use as much conventional grammar, spelling and punctuation as necessary to make yourself clearly understood. The usual salutations and sign offs can be ignored.
• Don't send or read text messages when you are out in company and turn your phone to silent when in a business meeting or a quiet zone on a train.
• As with ring tones, choose your text alert tone with care - a short bleep will suffice.

Perfect housewife

 Via

My obsession with managing domestic bliss as best I can continues. I love to discover how other women juggle being house proud with all the normal stuff: careers, children and cupcakes. 

Lately I've discovered that doing one household chore in the morning before breakfast means that I'm liberated from having a mega cleaning session at the weekends. It might be cleaning the bathroom, changing the sheets or hoovering. The downside is that you don't get that post-drudgery glow at the end of a cleaning sesh; you know the one where everything is spic and span and you feel all self-satisfied until someone ruins it all by sitting on the sofa, causing a rumple in the cushions? Pah.

The upside is that there's more time for fun and after all, life constantly evolves. The moment you've completed one task there will always be another one.  

 Via

Having fresh flowers in the home makes such a difference. I suggest to my clients that they make their home a sanctuary. It doesn't need to cost the earth (literally and laterally), it's a matter of being on top of domestic duties and making everything as sensuous as possible: fabrics you want to touch, pretty fresh details and reminders of the wonderful people in your life make a home a sweet home. This way you can feel calm as you enter the home after a long day. Pop on a meditation soundtrack and you'll be renewed for the evening.

To make the most of every moment is to be true to yourself.

Here's to family

Image: my own

Image: my own

Image: my own -me and my brother Owen

I was thinking about what my Friday Favourite could be today and one thing only came to my head: family. We're nothing without them. My brother is arriving in Oxford in 2 hours and I can't wait to have a date with my most favourite young man in the whole wide world. He's the most well adjusted, sweet, supportive, conscientious, caring, hard working, animated, interested and interesting, talented and dedicated to the environment chap a girl could know. Here's to you baby bro. 

P.S. I know that's a little too much fake tan up above. But I swear it looks worse in the photos. What can I say, it was my birthday and I went a little OTT. : )

Inspirational women (quotes)

I'm still in the mood for energising quotes. In the past I've shared quotes from inspirational women here and here if you'd like to take a peek. 

Today I found some more quotes by women and for women. I'm going to kick off with my favourite (this is what I tell my girlfriends and clients all the time!)

"Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away." ~ Barbara De Angelis


Enjoy. xox 

"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves." ~ Mary Wollstonecraft

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." ~ Maya Angelou

"But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well!" ~ Charlotte Bronte

"Rise to the occasion which is life!" ~ Virginia Euwer Wolff

"Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead." ~ Paula White

"It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you." ~ Million Dollar Baby

"Try, reach, want, and you may fall. But even if you do, you might be okay anyway. If you don't try, you save nothing, because you might as well be dead." ~ Ann Brashares (Girls in Pants) as Tibby Tomko-Rollins

"I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)

"I think the key is for women not to set any limits." ~ Martina Navratilova

"People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me." ~ Princess Diana

"The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him" ~ Helen Rowland

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa

"Love one person, take care of them until you die. You know, raise kids. Have a good life. Be a good friend. And try to be completely who you are. And figure out what you personally love. And like go after it with everything you've got no matter how much it takes." ~ Angelina Jolie

"Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around." ~ Katharine Hepburn

"A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. It’s complicated by the fact that in most nations women receive substantially less education than men." ~ Melinda Gates

"I believe that it is as much a right and duty for women to do something with their lives as for men and we are not going to be satisfied with such frivolous parts as you give us." ~ Louisa May Alcott

"Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers. You can fill your life up with ideas and still go home lonely. All you really have that really matters are feelings. That’s what music is to me." ~ Janis Joplin

"Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future." ~ Audrey Hepburn

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~ Helen Keller

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness." ~ Julia Roberts

"Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him." ~ Marlyn Monroe

"One's feelings waste themselves in words; they ought all to be distilled into action ... which bring results." ~ Florence Nightingale

"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt." ~ Madonna.

"Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country" ~ Margaret Thatcher, first female prime minister of UK.

"We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained." ~ Marie Curie

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." ~ Barbara De Angelis

"Sometimes questions are more important than answers." ~ Nancy Willard

"When you lose a couple of times, it makes you realize how difficult it is to win." ~ Steffi Graf, German Tennis Player

"When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." ~ Elayne Boosler

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it." ~ Maya Angelou

"Destiny is a name often given in retrospect to choices that had dramatic consequences. ~ J. K. Rowling, J. K. Rowling Official Website "

"One likes people much better when they're battered down by a prodigious siege of misfortune than when they triumph. ~ Virginia Woolf

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman." ~ Anais Nin, French born American author of short stories

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end." ~ Stephenie Meyer as Bella Swan in Twilight

"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain." ~ Jennifer Anniston

Source

Living with a happy heart

You know me, always on the search for wisdom on how to improve life. We're all learning. Sometimes we make huge leaps forwards and sometimes it's two steps forwards and one back. Those are the days when a little quote or a positive person gives you the wake up call you need to keep pushing on and enjoying every minute. I found this via From Portland to Peonies (such a cool name, who doesn't heart peonies?) and thought you'd love it too.

While we're on the subject, let's rest our eyes on some pink peonies awhile. The ultimate wedding flower in my opinion. Do you heart peonies the best? Tell me which flowers you are loving the mostest.

Via

I heart Drew

I'm being a little self indulgent here, but I've had a girl crush on Drew like for ever and I thought I'd celebrate my crush just because it's Friday. The reasons I heart Drew? She's playful, funny, smart, a deep thinker, unconventional, she's triumphed over personal problems, she hates being called a 'celebrity', she laughs a lot, she's not all about having the perfect white wedding and 2.4, she's become a producer, she's got a strong work ethic and a lust for learning, she can do some badass high kicks, she picks herself up from the mistakes she's made and keeps on loving, she believes in writing letters over email 'hands down' as she would say, she's a girl's girl, she's got a natural and bohemian vibe, she's a go getter - she simply wrote to Anna Wintour and asked to be on the cover of Vogue, rather than wait to see if she'd get asked. She makes amaze rom coms (50 First Dates always makes me smile) and has the most beautiful smile. 

Oh and did I mention that she's a wise woman? Here are some of the juicy bits from her recent Elle interview and other sources...

On taking stock of where she is now: “For three years straight, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and as of last December, I just didn’t have anything left. I’ve been so aggressive about living life to the fullest and being plugged into everything, but now I’ve ripped the plug out of the wall and put it on the floor for a while. I’m thinking about the same things as when I was 15, about spirituality and who I am, who I want to be. It’s cocoon, pupa, larva, and fuck, I’m reborn!”

On the media’s misconceptions of her: “I make movies. I have a passion. Puppies and daisies don’t accomplish anything. That’s not me at all.”

On being single: “If you’re 35 and single and it’s a choice, it feels fine. So I didn’t settle with the wrong person yet. Big deal!”

On her upcoming role in Going the Distance: “I like that it’s not a traditional romantic comedy, with the story line of, ‘Oh, I slept with this guy, but when I woke up, I found out he’s the CEO of my company, and we’re going to live happily ever after once we go through all these crazy perils. I talk shit with my girlfriends. And it can get dirty.”

On why she’s not afraid to get older: “I don’t want to be vain or fearful, and I don’t think I’ll do anything [in terms of plastic surgery], but if I want to do something, I will. From my perspective, there’s no reason to be afraid of aging, because if you age, you’re lucky! The alternative is death.”

On child stardom: “I was raised in unique and trying environments, but they were also amazing platforms for me to have an extraordinary life. Going through hell as a kid made me sensitive to what others in this world go through too.” 

A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?
Drew Barrymore

Daisies are like sunshine to the ground.
Drew Barrymore

Everyone is like a butterfly, they start out ugly and awkward and then morph into beautiful graceful butterflies that everyone loves.
Drew Barrymore

God made a very obvious choice when he made me voluptuous; why would I go against what he decided for me? My limbs work, so I'm not going to complain about the way my body is shaped.
Drew Barrymore

I am obsessed with ice cubes. Obsessed.
Drew Barrymore

I aspire to be that, to be a voice of reason one day.
Drew Barrymore

I definitely don't think that I'm hot doo-doo. I don't.
Drew Barrymore

I don't know anybody's road who's been paved perfectly for them, there are no manuals, you don't know what life has in store for you.
Drew Barrymore

I don't want to be stinky poo poo girl, I want to be happy flower child.
Drew Barrymore

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic.
Drew Barrymore

I never act my characters - I am them.
Drew Barrymore

I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end.
Drew Barrymore

I never want to get to the point where it's all about my needs, and the hell with anybody else.
Drew Barrymore

I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows.
Drew Barrymore

I really want to understand the mind so I can be more comfortable with the way people are. Being comfortable with people is incredibly important.
Drew Barrymore

I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself.
Drew Barrymore

I want people to be blown away when I do what they don't expect.
Drew Barrymore

I want people to love me, but it's not going to hurt me if they don't.
Drew Barrymore

I'm not after fame and success and fortune and power. It's mostly that I want to have a good job and have good friends; that's the good stuff in life.
Drew Barrymore

I've always said that one night, I'm going to find myself in some field somewhere, I'm standing on grass, and it's raining, and I'm with the person I love, and I know I'm at the very point I've been dreaming of getting to.
Drew Barrymore

I've been a vegetarian for years and years. I'm not judgemental about others who aren't, I just feel I cannot eat or wear living creatures.
Drew Barrymore

If you're going to be alive and on this planet, you have to, like, suck the marrow out of every day and get the most out of it.
Drew Barrymore

If you're going to go through hell... I suggest you come back learning something.
Drew Barrymore

It's only through listening that you learn, and I never want to stop learning.
Drew Barrymore

Kisses, even to the air, are beautiful.
Drew Barrymore

Kissing - and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.
Drew Barrymore

Life is very interesting... in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths.
Drew Barrymore

Love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy.
Drew Barrymore

My whole life, I've wanted to feel comfortable in my skin. It's the most liberating thing in the world.
Drew Barrymore

Sometimes I bust out and do things so permanent. Like tattoos and marriage.
Drew Barrymore

There's a hunger and a fervor that I have, but there's no person I'm going to push to the side to get where I'm going. I want to create my own road.
Drew Barrymore

There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk.
Drew Barrymore

When I lay my head on the pillow at night I can say I was a decent person today. That's when I feel beautiful.
Drew Barrymore

When things are perfect, that's when you need to worry most.
Drew Barrymore

When you've been locked up in a mental institution, people are going to ask questions. It was OK, because I didn't have to act perfect all the time.
Drew Barrymore

You've just got to do the best that you can.
Drew Barrymore

Via here, here and here

Happenstance

Images via here here and here

I try my best to write of love and pain and explore how we humans treat each other, and what our souls are trying to get out at the same time. Performing is my meditation; writing my traveling companion. These songs are as truthful and in the moment as I could be at this point in my life. They are observational, touching, but with a sense of hopefulness that every piece, and each bit of pain had a reason. So that nothing is wasted. 

Rachel Yamagata on her song writing

How do you express your innermost feelings? 

Do you lock them up and let them rot, get angry and spill all to a patient but weary friend, or throw a monster sized Betty Blue strop before thinking better of gouging your eyes out? 

We all deal with joy and, in particular, trauma so differently. In the past I've written Haikus or just prose in my notebook to express my thoughts and try to make sense of them. When I've rediscovered my words on paper some months or years on, I've often been shocked as I've revisited the emotions I'd forgotten about, or at least put in a box for a rainy day. 

We shift in our realities and beliefs so much. Often I've destroyed what I've found, partly to ensure my thoughts remain private, but partly because reading back on sad experiences makes me sad again for the person I was in that moment. Sometimes it's good to say goodbye to a chapter we've moved on from. Some recommend having a ceremony or ritual of some kind to mark this kind of cleansing. It can be a cathartic way to mark the end of an era, or a relationship, especially if you choose to burn or destroy tangible memories in a bid to move on.

We all have our dark moments, times and thoughts, and the way we cope with them and fight through these times shapes our identity. It can be helpful and interesting to keep a record of how we feel from day to day or week to week. It can be as abstract as you like - words, images, scribbles or collages. If you're happy to keep your thoughts somewhere safe, you can look back and be reminded of what you've achieved and what you've survived. Even in the west, despite being extraordinarily privileged, we all have our own crosses to bear. 

If you're feeling creative, you can make your thoughts into lyrics. When I look at photos of Rachel Yamagata, I'm so struck by her beauty and poise - so much so that I can't help being surprised by the raw emotion and vulnerability which is revealed in her music. It goes to show that no matter how together or perfect a person looks on the outside, everyone has days where they don't feel secure or happy. It's how you deal with the problems, how you move on and learn from them which shapes your character and self belief. Turning sadness into something beautiful is a way to reach out and touch others. I think we all benefit from learning that we're not the only ones to have really blue days.